I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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