Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
