I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
