Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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