Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
4 words: hood of his car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize