when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
the liver wants what the liver wants
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
