a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My breasts were aching with rage.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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