You made me cry and you don't even care
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
