this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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