were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my sisters under your porch take her home
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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