I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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