Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
