You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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