I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
