Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
