So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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