I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
your like the ambassador to my penis.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
