There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
