4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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