we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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