I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
