Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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