he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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