Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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