do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
