I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
