I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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