Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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