just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
