also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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