My cat gives me a boner
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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