Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
