I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
