Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
