I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
