I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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