i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
