my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
