Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
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Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
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All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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