whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
