As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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