Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
