woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
