I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
