when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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