im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
