What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
