Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
