He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
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He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
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How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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