my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
What a dumb baby whore.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
