4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
