Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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