If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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