Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
