definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
