I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Blood and glitter go together right?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
