went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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