so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
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He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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