I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
