Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She's the barista slut.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
