we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
