i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
my poor anus
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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