Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
