I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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